Monday, September 20, 2010

Duck Calls

If you are a hunter, you know all about duck calls and duck stamps.  If you want to shoot ducks you have to purchase a duck stamp.  Well, a few years ago there was a little problem with the phone number published in all the federal regulations and websites.  Instead of a government office, people calling a federal phone number to order duck stamps were instead greeted by a phone-sex line because of a printing error the government says would be too expensive to correct. Duck stamps are required to hunt migratory waterfowl and that year’s stamps feature a pair of pintail ducks.
Here is the conversation that might have taken place back then.  WARNING - this is not a PC poem.

I was calling to get a few duck stamps
I got a young girl on the line
I said I was hoping for pintails
She said she could get me that kind
I told her I did not want to lick them
I want the kind sticky on back
She said that was rather an odd call
But she’d find someone with just that knack
I told her that I was a novice
And this was my first real hunt
She said to sit back and enjoy it
She had everything I’d ever want
I asked would it be check or credit
She said credit was all they would take
I gave her my number and waited
But I must have made some mistake
She started to talk real dirty
And by dirty, I mean real DIRT
I hung up the phone in a hurry
I hope the girl’s feelings weren’t hurt

So maybe I won’t go duck hunting
As I had originally planned
I’ve got beavers I ought to take care of
In my stream that they recently dammed


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