This feels like a good to post a couple of sport related poems. We have a newcomers group down here that gets together once a month to bowl. You never know who you will bowl with and it is all in fun. I have bowled very little in my life but have tried it now that I am retired.
Bowling’s just bowling
Unless it’s with us
Then bowling is bowling
A bit more robust
It’s an evening with friends
And sharing your story
And when bowling’s done
You can bask in the glory
Of seeing your name
In the overhead light
And improving your game
And it’s all in one night
Oh, it doesn’t matter
What you finally score
It isn’t the scoring
That you go there for
No, you go there for friendship
You go there for fun
And when bowling is over
Your evening’s not done
We’re all going out
For a drink and a bite
That’s Newcomers’ bowling
On fabulous night
Mdailey 6/3/10
Monday, August 30, 2010
Perplexed
I saw a notice on Orchids and felt compelled to respond. While I think all golfers have a hole like that every once in a while, very few announce it publically on Orchids. This golfer has made all other golfers feel good about their game with that confession. I hope you enjoy the little poem I wrote for you on it.
Perplexed
Woe is the golfer who after two strokes
Is not passed the tee of the feminine folks
Whose drive hits the marker and takes a right turn
And his shot from the rough is a major concern
So he’s sitting at three and not yet passed the tee
Woe is a golfer like that
Can there be any penalty greater than shame
An open confession on Orchids with name
Don’t be hard on yourself, there is no one to blame
A hole such as that is just part of the game
Mdailey 8/30/10
==================================================
Orchid notice - - -
What good is retirement living, if you can't occasionally laugh at yourself. I find myself in uncharted waters and I need wisdom. We all know what the generally accepted penalty is for men who fail to hit their drive past the women's tee. My question is what is the penalty when after hitting your drive and then your second shot (not from the tee) you still are not past the women's tee.
Yes, on hole 17 of Panthers (I know it’s a Par 3) my 5 iron drive hit the yellow tee marker and went right over the cart path in the direction of "The Schuster's) but was still in play. My 7 iron second shot was out of "the Dante's Inferno" rough and landed short of the women's tee and I took a 6. I then went on to bogey the 18th and post a marvelous 101. If anyone has knowledge as to the appropriate penalty, or has experienced a similar fate I would appreciate their input.
Thanks
Perplexed
Woe is the golfer who after two strokes
Is not passed the tee of the feminine folks
Whose drive hits the marker and takes a right turn
And his shot from the rough is a major concern
So he’s sitting at three and not yet passed the tee
Woe is a golfer like that
Can there be any penalty greater than shame
An open confession on Orchids with name
Don’t be hard on yourself, there is no one to blame
A hole such as that is just part of the game
Mdailey 8/30/10
==================================================
Orchid notice - - -
What good is retirement living, if you can't occasionally laugh at yourself. I find myself in uncharted waters and I need wisdom. We all know what the generally accepted penalty is for men who fail to hit their drive past the women's tee. My question is what is the penalty when after hitting your drive and then your second shot (not from the tee) you still are not past the women's tee.
Yes, on hole 17 of Panthers (I know it’s a Par 3) my 5 iron drive hit the yellow tee marker and went right over the cart path in the direction of "The Schuster's) but was still in play. My 7 iron second shot was out of "the Dante's Inferno" rough and landed short of the women's tee and I took a 6. I then went on to bogey the 18th and post a marvelous 101. If anyone has knowledge as to the appropriate penalty, or has experienced a similar fate I would appreciate their input.
Thanks
Friday, August 27, 2010
Better With Age
And again this friend of mine was bragging about how she thought she was getting better with age and since I am nearing her same age, I thought to myself that I too could utter that phrase with conficence as long as I looked at myself from a certain perspective.
I’m actually getting better with age
To illustrate this, here is my gauge
The spots on my skin – think of a young leopard
The cane in my hand – think of a young Sheppard
And now that I squint – think of a young Clint (Eastwood)
The grey in my hair – now I look debonair
Though my jowls droop a little I feel fit as a fiddle
And though I wear glasses, the gals still make passes
My six-pack’s matured to a tight mini-keg
And I could run miles (except for one leg)
There’s a skip in my steps like I’m dancing on air
(It’s just orthopedics – I now wear a pair)
And the creaks and the groans that you hear when I move
Is the gypsy in me getting down with the groove
When I look in the mirror I still see someone young
And my memory sticks on the tip of my tongue
Yes, I’m actually getting better with age
If I recalibrate what I use for a gauge
Mdailey 8/27/10
I’m actually getting better with age
To illustrate this, here is my gauge
The spots on my skin – think of a young leopard
The cane in my hand – think of a young Sheppard
And now that I squint – think of a young Clint (Eastwood)
The grey in my hair – now I look debonair
Though my jowls droop a little I feel fit as a fiddle
And though I wear glasses, the gals still make passes
My six-pack’s matured to a tight mini-keg
And I could run miles (except for one leg)
There’s a skip in my steps like I’m dancing on air
(It’s just orthopedics – I now wear a pair)
And the creaks and the groans that you hear when I move
Is the gypsy in me getting down with the groove
When I look in the mirror I still see someone young
And my memory sticks on the tip of my tongue
Yes, I’m actually getting better with age
If I recalibrate what I use for a gauge
Mdailey 8/27/10
Age = Karma
This friend of mine posted a story of how she beat a bunch of senior citizens to the prescription counter in a CVS and how bad she fealt after she cut them off.
The bus pulled in the parking lot
The seniors all got out
Like a bunch of slow old turtles
They began to move about
They were headed into CVS
To get prescriptions filled
They were bound to slow me down no doubt
My own resolve was chilled
I tried to get around them
But I couldn’t find a path
If each one took five minutes
I mean – you do the math
So I took another isle
I knew they wouldn’t take
Greeting cards and pampers
So these old folks I did shake
I skidded into first place
At that prescription desk
I had beat those blue-haired ladies
With my medical request
And then it finally hit me
How shameful I had been
To make these blue-haired ladies wait
While I just butted in
So sheepishly I slunk away
Ahead, but clothed in guilt
And thought about the Karma
That I, myself, just built
How long until some youngster
His own story told
How he cut in front of me
Cause I’d grown slow and old
Mdailey 8/26/10
The bus pulled in the parking lot
The seniors all got out
Like a bunch of slow old turtles
They began to move about
They were headed into CVS
To get prescriptions filled
They were bound to slow me down no doubt
My own resolve was chilled
I tried to get around them
But I couldn’t find a path
If each one took five minutes
I mean – you do the math
So I took another isle
I knew they wouldn’t take
Greeting cards and pampers
So these old folks I did shake
I skidded into first place
At that prescription desk
I had beat those blue-haired ladies
With my medical request
And then it finally hit me
How shameful I had been
To make these blue-haired ladies wait
While I just butted in
So sheepishly I slunk away
Ahead, but clothed in guilt
And thought about the Karma
That I, myself, just built
How long until some youngster
His own story told
How he cut in front of me
Cause I’d grown slow and old
Mdailey 8/26/10
I’m Not That Old – Am I?
I had a friend turn 62 last week and she was bragging about how young she really was.
No cane or walker have I
No tank of oxygen
No grey hairs show upon my head
I don’t feel old – but then
I remember my last birthday
How the candles burned so bright
I think they counted sixty-two
I know that can’t be right
Then I look around me
As one often does
And see my kids are at that age
That I thought I still was
When I look into a mirror
See age I can’t surmount
There is still that one advantage though
I get a senior-age discount
Mdailey 8/26/10
No cane or walker have I
No tank of oxygen
No grey hairs show upon my head
I don’t feel old – but then
I remember my last birthday
How the candles burned so bright
I think they counted sixty-two
I know that can’t be right
Then I look around me
As one often does
And see my kids are at that age
That I thought I still was
When I look into a mirror
See age I can’t surmount
There is still that one advantage though
I get a senior-age discount
Mdailey 8/26/10
Margarita or Cheeseburger
The Jimmy Buffett website posted a question - this was my response.
Margarita or a cheeseburger
What a choice to make
One will make your belly full
One your head to ache
One will tingle taste buds
One will tingle toes
One leads to another
So I’ll have two of those
One will go down easy
One will take some time
One I could write poems about
One I just can’t rhyme
Margarita or a cheeseburger
Which one would I choose
The one that’s paradise on bun
Or the one delightful booze
Mdailey 8/26/10
Margarita or a cheeseburger
What a choice to make
One will make your belly full
One your head to ache
One will tingle taste buds
One will tingle toes
One leads to another
So I’ll have two of those
One will go down easy
One will take some time
One I could write poems about
One I just can’t rhyme
Margarita or a cheeseburger
Which one would I choose
The one that’s paradise on bun
Or the one delightful booze
Mdailey 8/26/10
Seagulls
I have this friend that does not have good luck with seagulls at the beach. I have not used his name in this poem as it might embarrace him.
I was with my girlfriend
One day down on the beach
When a flock of seagulls
Flew just beyond our reach
At first we didn’t see them
Then all at once one swooped
And when he was right above us
That nasty bird just pooped
It splattered on my forehead
It splattered on my shirt
It splattered on my self esteem
The embarrassment sure hurt
And then the very next day
Down on that same old beach
Again I saw the seagulls
Again I heard their screech
Again one flew right at us
Again one’s bowels let go
Again my shirt was soiled
My last clean one you know
So now when we go to the shore
I bring along three shirts or more
And when I see those fricken birds
I duck for cover from those turds
Mdailey 8/26/10
I was with my girlfriend
One day down on the beach
When a flock of seagulls
Flew just beyond our reach
At first we didn’t see them
Then all at once one swooped
And when he was right above us
That nasty bird just pooped
It splattered on my forehead
It splattered on my shirt
It splattered on my self esteem
The embarrassment sure hurt
And then the very next day
Down on that same old beach
Again I saw the seagulls
Again I heard their screech
Again one flew right at us
Again one’s bowels let go
Again my shirt was soiled
My last clean one you know
So now when we go to the shore
I bring along three shirts or more
And when I see those fricken birds
I duck for cover from those turds
Mdailey 8/26/10
TAPEWORM
Dateline: 19 August, 2008 – Sun Times Headline - Man says 9-foot tapeworm came from undercooked salmon salad. I am posting this as close to the anniversary of the event as I could remember. These things come and go and everyone needs to be aware of the symptoms and sequence of events leading to their demise.
I felt the movement deep inside
And as it passed I almost died
To see a creature 9-foot long
Come out of me – it’s wrong – IT’S WRONG!
It came, I think, from Salmon Salad
I was sick for days and somewhat pallid
But the feeling passed, I carried on
Not knowing there was something wrong
Then a wiggle here, a wiggle there
Eating more and passing air
Then dizziness and vertigo
Cramps and colic and a need to go
Combined with weight loss, muscle pain
Brought it all back once again
I didn’t catch the tell-tale signs
Until at last my system binds
Nothing coming – nothing going
Until at last a tail is showing
I don’t know why it lost its grip
Or when it all began to slip
All I know is a tapeworm
Will lose its grip and start to squirm
I felt the movement deep inside
And as it passed I almost died
To see a creature 9-foot long
Come out of me – it’s wrong – IT’S WRONG!
Mdailey 08/20/08
I felt the movement deep inside
And as it passed I almost died
To see a creature 9-foot long
Come out of me – it’s wrong – IT’S WRONG!
It came, I think, from Salmon Salad
I was sick for days and somewhat pallid
But the feeling passed, I carried on
Not knowing there was something wrong
Then a wiggle here, a wiggle there
Eating more and passing air
Then dizziness and vertigo
Cramps and colic and a need to go
Combined with weight loss, muscle pain
Brought it all back once again
I didn’t catch the tell-tale signs
Until at last my system binds
Nothing coming – nothing going
Until at last a tail is showing
I don’t know why it lost its grip
Or when it all began to slip
All I know is a tapeworm
Will lose its grip and start to squirm
I felt the movement deep inside
And as it passed I almost died
To see a creature 9-foot long
Come out of me – it’s wrong – IT’S WRONG!
Mdailey 08/20/08
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Long Hot Summer
Based on reactions I got from the last two poems - I felt obliged to write one more on the subject. Maybe I should just do a whole booklet on the subject. I think I have about a half a dozen poems on it by now. What do you think?
The Doc says there’s no rhyme or reason
For my wife’s long “summer season”
It started many years ago
She fears it still has years to go
Her hormone levels are near normal
Her clothes at home grow more informal
With the AC blasting out cold air
She’s burning like a roadside flare
No matter what the time of year
When little beads of sweat appear
She picks up anything that’s flat
And tries to fan herself with that
So now her shoulder’s sore from fanning
She even gave up summer tanning
It’s hard to look cool and collected
While burning up like she’s infected
She says her thermostat is broken
In words that I have seldom spoken
She says I should be understanding
It comes across more like demanding
But even as I duck for cover
I can’t help but think I love her
So even if her temp gets steeper
I still think I’ll likely keep her
Mdailey 8/16/10
The Doc says there’s no rhyme or reason
For my wife’s long “summer season”
It started many years ago
She fears it still has years to go
Her hormone levels are near normal
Her clothes at home grow more informal
With the AC blasting out cold air
She’s burning like a roadside flare
No matter what the time of year
When little beads of sweat appear
She picks up anything that’s flat
And tries to fan herself with that
So now her shoulder’s sore from fanning
She even gave up summer tanning
It’s hard to look cool and collected
While burning up like she’s infected
She says her thermostat is broken
In words that I have seldom spoken
She says I should be understanding
It comes across more like demanding
But even as I duck for cover
I can’t help but think I love her
So even if her temp gets steeper
I still think I’ll likely keep her
Mdailey 8/16/10
Hot Chick
After failing to write a poem on hot chicks as I did on the Menopause prayer below, I felt I still owed it to the challenge to really try to do one about the hot chick i live with.
When I lay down with this hot chick
Her reactions came real quick
She loosed the buttons on her gown
She threw the covers on the ground
I saw a glimmer in her eyes
That told me clothing was unwise
Don’t you know I was impressed
To see how quickly she undressed
She showed me how her body sweat
And I hadn’t even touched her yet
You know what I was thinking then
She’ hot – yea, she’s so hot again
Then we both knew it’s just because
She’s in the throes of menopause
So here I lie with this hot chick
And pray I get to sleep real quick.
Mdailey 8/15/10
When I lay down with this hot chick
Her reactions came real quick
She loosed the buttons on her gown
She threw the covers on the ground
I saw a glimmer in her eyes
That told me clothing was unwise
Don’t you know I was impressed
To see how quickly she undressed
She showed me how her body sweat
And I hadn’t even touched her yet
You know what I was thinking then
She’ hot – yea, she’s so hot again
Then we both knew it’s just because
She’s in the throes of menopause
So here I lie with this hot chick
And pray I get to sleep real quick.
Mdailey 8/15/10
Menopause Prayer
The discussion on menopause last evening left one gentleman to challenge me to write another poem on the subject. It was supposed to be about hot chicks but it took a different turn right from the start.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake
I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap
So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest
Amen
Mdailey 8/15/10
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake
I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap
So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest
Amen
Mdailey 8/15/10
My Face is Like a Furnace
We were at dinner the other day with friends and the talk came around to menopause. and then someone ( I don't think it was me) said I had a poem on it so I had to dig this one out and share it with them.
My face is like a furnace
And so I start to fan
Then just when I am cooling off
The heat comes on again
I have buttons to unbutton
I want to take things off
Then I realize, I’m still at work
My co-workers all will scoff
So once again I fan myself
My arms now get so tired
I’ve explained this to my doctor
She said my warranty’s expired
As a woman’s age increases
The temperatures she’s getting
Fluctuates from hot to cold
And really is upsetting
So the covers I will kick off
And in private clothes are shed
To cool the raging furnace
That is not just in my head
We women bring life into the world
What does that privilege earn us
Hormones that with age break down
And a face just like a furnace
Mdailey 04/27/09
My face is like a furnace
And so I start to fan
Then just when I am cooling off
The heat comes on again
I have buttons to unbutton
I want to take things off
Then I realize, I’m still at work
My co-workers all will scoff
So once again I fan myself
My arms now get so tired
I’ve explained this to my doctor
She said my warranty’s expired
As a woman’s age increases
The temperatures she’s getting
Fluctuates from hot to cold
And really is upsetting
So the covers I will kick off
And in private clothes are shed
To cool the raging furnace
That is not just in my head
We women bring life into the world
What does that privilege earn us
Hormones that with age break down
And a face just like a furnace
Mdailey 04/27/09
Broken Windows
We have a system of messages down here on the plantation where anyone can post a question or an observation that they think someone can address. Well, this guy Nolan (who I don't know) posted a question on how to protect his windows as he had been in his house only two weeks and already had two broken windows from errant golf balls. Local friends said it sounded like something worthy of a poem. So I wrote it.
We built here on the golf course
For the view from our back yard
We couldn’t find a drawback
Though we thought it through real hard
And now that we have moved in
Our view, the fairway grass
We hadn’t thought of errant hooks
Or the fragileness of glass
Two weeks and now two windows
The victims of these hooks
Two weeks and we are flustered
And have dented our checkbooks
Has anyone an answer
Has anyone a fix
Has anyone yet solved this
We’d love to learn the tricks.
Nolan, here’s the problem
Golfers can’t hit straight
And windows on a golf course
Are simply left to fate
Some folks have tried a trellis
Some folks just hung a net
Some folks put plastic film up
That’s all I heard of yet
You could maybe add some bushes
Or perhaps a tree or two
That might stop the golf balls
But screw up your great view
I wish I had an answer
But my yard is ball free
My backyard is directly
Tween a hole and the next tee
Mdailey 8/14/10
We built here on the golf course
For the view from our back yard
We couldn’t find a drawback
Though we thought it through real hard
And now that we have moved in
Our view, the fairway grass
We hadn’t thought of errant hooks
Or the fragileness of glass
Two weeks and now two windows
The victims of these hooks
Two weeks and we are flustered
And have dented our checkbooks
Has anyone an answer
Has anyone a fix
Has anyone yet solved this
We’d love to learn the tricks.
Nolan, here’s the problem
Golfers can’t hit straight
And windows on a golf course
Are simply left to fate
Some folks have tried a trellis
Some folks just hung a net
Some folks put plastic film up
That’s all I heard of yet
You could maybe add some bushes
Or perhaps a tree or two
That might stop the golf balls
But screw up your great view
I wish I had an answer
But my yard is ball free
My backyard is directly
Tween a hole and the next tee
Mdailey 8/14/10
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